Edith

Edith was the plump old age of 9, her cheeks burned red all day and night and she was rather unfortunately pigeon toed. Whether she was walking straight, left, right or round a corner Edith was a girl that always fell over.

Edith fell over because she drank.

    It all began when Granny Peggy went to live in Briar Bruar old people’s home on Nursery Street. Only once on an overnight crossing to Calais had Granny Peggy forgone a brandy because of a seasick stomach. In Briar Bruar Granny Peggy began to like more than one brandy in the evening. She said it was medicinal and complimentary with the bed, which was the finest bed in the home.

   Edith enjoyed going to visit Granny Peggy with her mother and father. Granny Peggy didn't ask them to, she didn't really want them to but at 8 o'clock like clockwork Edith's mother and father would rap tap tap on the door and sing their way into the room. It was on one of these visits that Edith had her first drink.

   When they arrived Granny Peggy was combing her silver hair. She looked down at Edith whose face was very close to her elbow and decided Edith needed a haircut. Edith sat on the bed smiling dumbly whilst Granny Peggy willed her scissors into Edith's red locks. Granny Peggy cut at the hair with an idle grin and a surprising impatience. When she had finished Edith's hair was above her ear lobes. Edith's mother gasped, her father laughed, Edith began to cry and Granny Peggy offered Edith her first drink. Edith poured the brandy down her throat, burped and fell asleep.

   A week later Edith had her second drink. Edith had tripped up in the changing rooms at Josephine Spong’s swimming party and chipped a tooth. Edith had sat patiently on the side twiddling her toes and counting to ten in German. By the time they arrived at Briar Bruar Edith's tooth had begun to hurt. Granny Peggy listened to the story and told Edith she would have to be more careful or she would loose all her teeth and she would have to have gold ones instead. Granny Peggy patted Edith on the head and looked at her son in law. Edith's father looked to his toes, looked up and down, left and right and proceeded to take a bottle of brandy from his coat pocket. Without blinking or thinking he gave Edith a crystal shaved glass and poured her a brandy. Edith smiled a knowing smile, sat back and at the age of 9 raised her glass 'to dentists and the good work they do for clumsy people like me', 'cheers' everyone said and Edith poured the second brandy down her throat.

   The week after Edith's parents were going out. Edith was dropped off in the gravel drive of Briar Bruar with her German homework and a microwaveable shepherds pie. Granny Peggy was sitting in bed with her arms folded. She was cross and sharp tongued because she had lost the 3.05 at Newmarket. Granny Peggy lifted one lip when Edith walked over and sat beside her on the bed. Edith got out her exercise book and her Berol pen. Granny Peggy snatched away the pen and sent Edith over to the commode where her mother had hidden a bottle of brandy from Matron Brickle. Edith thanked Granny Peggy for her brandy and German dialect began to pour from the unlikely linguists mouths. An empty bottle later Granny Peggy was lying face down on the bed singing whilst Edith was upside down in a handstand counting louder and louder in German trying to catch Granny Peggy's attention. Edith’s face had reached a flammable rouge colour and she fell over to upright. Granny Peggy sat bolt upright in bed and declared it was time for shepherds pie.